arsenicjade:

H/c, Kink, and Tikkun Olam

I’m honestly asking, if you never read anything else of mine, read this.

I suspect, and sure, I could be wrong, but I very highly suspect that I am not alone in being drawn to h/c in part because I’m kinky. I’m sure lots of people have different reasons for liking it. Hell, I have lots of reasons. I am more than just my sexual proclivities.

I know what it means to slowly figure out that you are “wrong.” That you want to hurt someone. That you want someone to hurt you. That you want both. (You’re not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with you. I also know how hard that is to believe. I’m heading to 40 and still working on it.)

And I know what it is to be part of a community *cough*fandom*cough*, that fetishizes kink while also harshly judging it. I know what it is like not knowing where a safe space or even a safe person might be.

Let me tell you a fact. Most of the women I’m friends with in the scene are submissive/masochists (s-types). The scene is highly heteronormative, and whether it is socialization or not, most women who are into kink are s-types who sleep with/desire men.

Let me tell you another fact: of all the female s-types I know, with the exception of one, all of them, literally ALL of them, have been involved in abusive relationships because, in the absence of knowing how to find what they actually want/need, in a world that tells them they are damaged and faulty for having these desires/compulsions, or at BEST tells them that responsible D-types look Like Christian Grey (who is obviously the way he is because he IS damaged and also, wow, no), female s-types will almost always take what they can get. And abusive assholes are a dime a dozen and always on the prowl.

Jews have a whole bunch of beliefs around tikkun olam, that is, repairing the world. One of them is if a person saves a life, that person saves the world. I, personally believe that goes to “smaller” things. Things like making sure people are fed, homed, safe.

I don’t have a big following. I never have, and I presume I never will. But people who enjoy h/c sometimes know me. And maybe they know other people who like h/c. And maybe there are people in that group, or people known to people in that group who are struggling with figuring out they’re kinky and might not have anyone to talk to, might not know how to play safely. Please, please see if they’re willing to talk to me. PM me with a sock puppet, have someone contact me as an intermediary, I don’t care. Just, if you don’t have anyone else safe to talk to, please, please talk to me. Please.