Emily Vancamp as Sharon Carter in “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”
Here’s an example of what we call a “soft no”. Sharon turns down Steve’s offer in a way that’s meant not to insult him but never actually uses the word “no”.
Steve clearly gets the message, though, and importantly offers to leave her alone. Sharon’s comment afterwards gives him an opportunity to try again later, but he doesn’t press and respects her rejection of his company even though it’s probably hurt his feelings a bit.
Just in case you ever wonder “What would Captain America do?”; there you go.
never do something steve rogers wouldn’t do.
Unless it’s jumping out of a plane without a parachute, you probably shouldn’t do that
I just have to add – I’ve seen interviews with Marvel people where they say that this scene demonstrates that Cap’s awkward with women and doesn’t know how to ask women out on a date. And it drives me crazy, because – as the OP says – Steve behaved perfectly here. It was a very charming, nonthreatening offer, and he accepted her rejection with good grace. You can’t help but feel that to Hollywood, the fact that she said no means he asked badly – which is exactly how I’d expect Hollywood to think, namely, the idea that men should keep pressing and pushing women until they say yes
In fairness, I think there’s a valid point that the offer itself is kind of awkward–there’s a moment where he pretty much takes a deep breath before flinging himself off the cliff, he stammers, his delivery is uncertain, you can practically see the “…:D?” moment where inside he’s going “real smooth, champ, did you seriously just ask her out with a dorky-ass offer about laundry?” And in his haste he accidentally implies a transactional element to the offer–which Sharon calls him on immediately.
The thing is, none of the minor awkwardness is nearly as important as how gracefully he handles the fall. Sharon calls him on the implication that there’s a price, and he makes it clear that yes, he’s asking her out, but no, he’s not asking for anything more than a chat and a chance to get to know each other. Point Number One in Steve’s favor. Sharon drops the skeptical standoffish look, and takes care to smile and be friendly and provide a soft excuse for turning him down. Point two: Steve hears the soft “no” for what it is. Point three: he doesn’t argue with it and assumes it’s her final answer. Point four: he smiles and plays along with the excuse and doesn’t take it personally, even though he’s probably hovering between “disappointed” and “kicking himself” on the inside. Congratulations, Steve, you have just catapulted yourself from “cute but kinda awkward” to “holy shit, she would date the fuck out of you if she didn’t have 6394187 ethical and professional obligations and a possible emergency situation getting in the way.” No wonder she gives him an opening to try again later.
Semi-related observation #1: Dude spent the first twenty-odd years of his life as skinny!Steve–it’s both perfectly logical and kinda sad that he’s a lot smoother at handling rejection than he is at actually asking someone out.
Semi-related observation #2: This entire movie is full of Steve’s faltering attempts to connect with people in a particularly mistrustful, un-forthcoming corner of the 21st century. Most of the time, it kinda feels personal–but getting turned down for a date by a cute stranger is one of the times he’s totally fine with not taking it personally. No wonder he can’t resist a sarcastic comment when she passes him in the hallway at SHIELD after giving Alexander Pierce a full report on the previous evening.
^^^ all of this.
Something I was thinking about since the last time I reblogged this post that I also wanna add is that Steve is pretty careful with his body language here. Since the serum, Steve is a big guy; and we’ve seen him crowd people and get up in their face when he wants to be intimidating (usually when he’s righteously pissed off), so we know he’s aware of his capacity for it. In this scene, he keeps a reasonable distance from Sharon, and though the cropping of the gif doesn’t quite show it, he raises his hands in a very clear hands off/I surrender kind of gesture when she turns him down – the “I’m not a threat, I’m backing down” of human body language. He also angles his body away from Sharon then, turning away and making clear he isn’t following her. This might seem awkward to someone who only expects to see Steve as the confident and physically powerful presence he is when he’s in uniform – but it’s completely appropriate here. As someone who got bullied as much as he did, Steve knows how to read a bully’s body language; and he knows how NOT to adopt that body language, and be physically non-threatening despite his build, in a situation where he doesn’t want to come across as a threat.
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