FRIEND ARE THERE DVD EXTRAS FOR ALL OF MY DEAREST STEVE ROGERS/NICK FURY IMAGININGS?? ARE THERE EVER, WOW
(Some of these are exclusive to my precious AU Appalachian Steve, but many could apply to any Steve/Nick pairing across the multiverse, also this is OUTRAGEOUSLY LONG BECAUSE I GOT REALLY WORKED UP)
Listen guys this rarepair content
includes some very thoughtfully handcrafted artisan organic small-batch jokes if I do say so myself so you should read it even if you are incredibly weirded out by the concept of Nick Fury/Steve Rogers, the homemade pickled watermelon rind of ships
Tag: except it abide in the vine
FRANK AND JAMES OH GOD. I saw your response where you said it might take a whole other fic to work through their stuff and I AM ON BOARD. That was such an awesome surprise! THEY JUST NEED TO BE HAPPY. (And I love 616!Bucky so James and his mask tan line made me giggle into my coffee)
Hi!! To tide you over, here are some
Fun Facts About James and Frank!
– Ok so in the story the first difference between their universes that they figure out is that Frank is physically different from James’ original Steve (Frank’s intersex), but there are actually MANY OTHER DIFFERENCES, and they start recording them in a composition notebook. James writes “shit that’s different” on the front of the notebook because he can’t help but be the way that he is. Some of the first differences that they discover: Frank can’t deal with spicy food (other Steve was a hot sauce guy), he loves dogs, especially big dumb ones (other Steve wasn’t a huge animal person), he’ll eat pineapple on pizza (other Steve hated it with a vicious firey passion and would get angry if he was reminded that such a thing existed).
– Frank is a lot less dramatic than your statistically average S.G. Rogers. On occasions when other Steves will say something in French to an enemy and then do a backflip Frank will just roll his eyes a little and punch said enemy in the face.
– Things that James has recently said out loud: “Holy fucking cow” “Jiminy goddamned crickets” “Jeepers creepers, you scared the shit out of me” “What kind of a dumb Dora do I look like, fuckface?” “the hot-assed gunsel that you see before you” “I like taking a big dick up my ass just as much as the next fella,” “get a wiggle on, assholes,” “At the time I was splifficated and neck-deep in pussy.”
– Despite ostensibly being the Oldest and Most Psychologically Healthy Bucky With Good Self-Care Habits and Self Esteem Whom Other Buckys Aspire to Emulate, James and Barnes have similar problems with stress eating, stress cleaning, stress home repairs, and stress vigilantism.
– Frank and Padre bond over this. “Mine had a flashback and then spent four hours regrouting the bathroom tile.” “Mine had a tough day at therapy and singlehandedly broke up a dogfighting ring.”
– James is so clearly and distinctly Team Mom that no one even bothers to joke about it. Like, you wouldn’t joke about your literal mom being Team Mom, either.
He is the only reason that the entire team isn’t constantly in a profound state of encrusted filth and low blood sugar.– James REALLY LOVES KIDS. Like, a lot. And anything involving Bad Stuff happening to kids kind of fucks him up hardcore and leaves him all shaken and sad and in need of tending.
– Frank and James are the most Old Married of Old Marrieds. They
communicate through Significant Looks, they have weird circular
arguments that don’t make any sense outside of fifteen years of
relationship context, and often enjoy hyper-efficient Old Married Sex
where everyone has an orgasm and then falls asleep within five minutes
without having taken off their cozy flannel PJs.– They have matching cozy flannel PJs.
– Frank has a truly humbling collection of gigantic dildos, because nothing but the best for his best guy.
– Frank is also the most macho out of all of the Steves, in this very straighforward dadly Mountain Lodge kind of way where he admires and respects those who enjoy Ladylike Pursuits in the same way that he admires and respects literal wizards. Like he loves steak, baseball, beer, sex, motorcycles, 900 page books about military history, fishing, sketching nice straightforward nature scenes, etc. He’s such a Dude that he mistakes James’ fondness for French food and clean grout and getting pounded up the ass for delicate feminine sensibilities. So like, Grant will joke about being “the sensitive artistic type” (Grant is currently very preoccupied with designing and hand lettering his own wedding invitations) and Frank will be all “Like James!” and everyone will be like “… no, not like him.” Meanwhile, James, chain smoking and looking at porn on his phone: “You guys talking about me?”
say um… could you tell us more about Padre Steve and his Bucky? And Princess? And also a little more about Frank Steve hopping dimensions to be together after the army of Steves and Buckies (+ 1 nat) beat Sweetpea and Honey’s Hydra?
I think that Frank ‘n James figuring their shit out would take an actual story, but HERE ARE SOME OF MY TREASURED PADRE AND BARNES CONCEPTS.
– Steve actually had been about to start pursuing becoming a priest before the war broke out. So when he got unfrozen and Fury’s all, YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU AGAIN Steve’s just like sorry, got a date with God, and heads off to get his BA, followed by seminary, so by 2025-ish when Abide takes place he’s been ordained for a few years.
– he does do the Cap thing when he’s needed so a few times he’s come tearing into mass a minute late covered in dust and blood and his congregation will be like FATHER STEVE WE SAW YOU ON THE NEWS
– He LOVES his job, he genuinely loves it, even the hard parts like all of the time he spends sitting with really old and dying people. He’s extremely good at comforting the elderly because he’s such a soothing presence, and he’ll engage them and calm them down by talking about happy stuff they both remember from the ‘30s and ‘40s.
– His Bucky (Barnes) is incredibly anxious, fights bad guys around the clock as a way of dealing with his guilt, and has a lot of trouble interacting positively with people who aren’t Steve because he’s so goddamn stressed out all the time. So Steve suggests him getting a dog so he can have physical contact and affection sans the whole people factor, and after some arguing Barnes ends up adopting Princess from a pitbull rescue. She’s officially Barnes’ emotional support animal, and is a very Good Dog.
– Barnes is totally obsessed with Princess, and though he generally is not a very chatty guy he can often be caught talking to her as if she’s his equally hostile cyborg assassin roommate. Like “Yeah, fuck that guy, huh? We oughtta pull his spine out through his ass. Say, are we out of milk?”
– Barnes tends to not eat while he’s working and then gorges like a grizzly bear the minute that the immediate danger has passed. After a tough mission Barnes will temporarily move into Padre’s apartment and just sit on the couch and watch bad TV and eat massive piles of food that Padre cooks for him and sometimes let Padre rub his back a little. He’ll also sleep on the floor with Princess next to Padre’s bed when his anxiety really ramps up. After a few days of this he’ll feel better and start getting self-conscious and spend a few days doing nothing but working out, drinking protein shakes, and avoiding eye contact.
– Barnes has a bunch of really intense piercings that are only visible when he’s naked and that he and Padre have a silent agreement that they will never, ever discusss.
– Padre is cheerfully oblivious re: how attractive he is, and is constantly missing people making innuendos about having sins to confess, kneeling, etc. Barnes catches the innuendos and gets really scary about it real quick, like touch my precious virgin angel and puLL BACK A S T U M P
– Barnes and Padre are BOTH completely oblivious re: what a massive hunk of grade A American beef Barnes is. Stepanya develops this massive crush on him and all of the other Steves are, like, watching through their fingers because it’s so hard to have to witness this kind of next-level pining but they can’t look away, and Barnes is just like, “why does the Russian one always give me his Skittles” until James sits him down and is like, BRO, HE LIKE-LIKES YOU
– Once it’s spelled out for him and Barnes has had his little mind blown out his ears he approaches Stepanya and is like, “… I don’t really remember how human relationships work and also touching makes me nervous” and Stepanya is like SAME and they take their relationship to the next level, the next level being: they sit together at lunch time and let their shoulders brush together sometimes. Also they share snacks/socks/knives/bullets and spend a lot of time sitting around together in blessed, blessed silence. Sometimes Barnes gets really stressed out and wants to cuddle a little and Stepanya a s c en d s
– That’s all I can think of for now
BUT WHAT ABOUT WHEN THEY ALL GOTTA GO HOME slash Stepanya’s Bucky??? can everyone just have like universe Skype or something
But what about ELOISE? Is that in addition to the shield? When did he pick her up?
– @mukani Unforch I think that Barnes and Stepanya will decide to say goodbye and go home eventually: VERY FORCH Stepanya’s Bucky is a total sweetheart who never fell off the train and makes a very dashing and handsome Captain America who spends a lot of time volunteering at children’s hospitals. So Stepanya will get to go home and immediately be fussed over and loved on by stable and together!Bucky, who misses him very, very much. Barnes will go home and probablymaybepossibly actually say yes the next time that Natasha asks him out, which she does about every six months or so, like “The offer to buy you a coffee is still on the table, big guy.” ALSO having practiced touching and communicating with Stepanya makes him much better at asking Padre for hugs and stuff, which is basically as far as Barnes goes at this point in terms of interest in touching. (Eventually after months of very patient wooing from Natasha he’ll work his way up to second base, and then wake Padre up in the middle of the night to report back, like STEVE I KISSED A GIRL AND TOUCHED A BOOB and Padre all “Buddy I’m so happy for you, say two Hail Marys and tell me all the details in the morning.”
– @summercomfort ELOISE OH HECK. Ok something to know about Padre: he has excellent self esteem and is much better at using his words to express what he wants and needs than most of the Steves (cue “I’m a priest, not a martyr” joke). During the Loki alien invasion thing Padre saw that ridiculous getup they put together for him and was immediately like, what the heck, where are the holsters, where is my gun, my shield is great but I’m not fighting the War of the Worlds with nothing but my charming smile and an oversized dinner plate.” And of course because he was entering the priesthood everyone initially underestimated him and condescended to him even more than they did most Steves, so someone gave him this giant machine gun thinking he’d be intimidated by it and give it back. But instead he’s like OH GEEZ THIS IS SWELL THANKS A BUNCH JUST WHAT I WANTED and keeps it. Fast-forward a bit: just as MCU Steve often ends up fighting in khakis or a hoodie or whatever, Padre often ends up fighting in HIS version of civvies: ie, clerical black and collar. And the Avengers quickly discover that while Captain America is extremely intimidating, being attacked by a superpowered priest with a giant fucking machine gun is just Too Much for a certain kind of (read: raised Catholic) bad guy, like they’ll see Padre coming and just … give up. A few times he’s shown up and just ended up immediately taking some would-be evildoer’s confession. So he always has Eloise with him even though he actually prefers the shield when he’s fighting humans and not aliens/monsters/Hydra (it’s his personal belief that theres a special place in Hell for Hydra agents, and it’s his job to get them there a little faster).
People commented about wanting a chart to keep track of all of the “Except it Abide in the Vine” Characters, so I made one, because I am A Mess.
I have crawled out of my cobwebbed tomb in the midnight gloaming
In order to post this self-indulgent bullshit in which characters from my various fictional fanthings meet each other. Like, it’s just Bucky and Steve from Ain’t No Grave meeting some Buckys and Steves from Except it Abide. That’s it. That’s the plot. So like, I guess you should read it if you’re kinky like that. There’s cussing, lots of sex jokes, and some light violence, but the only other naughtiness it contains is how gotdamn masturbatory writing fanfiction of ones own fanfiction is. So like, read it if you’re kinky like that, I guess!
It has come to my attention
That over a YEAR ago I promised @dancinbutterfly with lo these very tippy-tappity fingers that I WOULD INDEED bring resolution and peace to Red and Bai from Except it Abide, but instead I merrily fucked about for approximately eighty gazillion months and lovingly moved commas around in my delicately hand-crafted paragraphs, etc. But yesterday, in a surge of very Rogers-esque guilt-ridden energy, I DONE WROTE THE THING, and here it is you y’all to peep at. WARNINGS for discussion of suicidal thoughts/ self-harm, brief sexy bits, cussin’, sadness, schmaltz, and a complete lack of actual proofreading that I beg you to regard as ~grit and authenticity~.
(Also, this will make less than zero sense if you haven’t read Except it Abide in the Vine.)
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