Tag: how sex actually works

My Saltiest Fandom Post Ever

howler32557038:

AHHH. This is driving me crazy and I have to get it off my chest or I’ll explode.

Somehow, these posts have crept back onto my dash. Posts in which young women are VEHEMENTLY debating the question: “WHO TOPS? STEVE OR BUCKY?”

And the arguments that are being brought up are…weird? Really weird? Especially weird for me, in light of fifteen years of first-hand experience with gay sex and gay relationships?

Some reasons Steve should be “The Top” and Bucky should be “The Bottom”:

  • Steve has big muscles and Bucky has a big ass and thicc thighs
  • Steve is main character/hero (???)

  • Steve has

    short hair and Bucky’s is long

  • Steve is taller
  • Steve is more outspoken, Bucky is quiet
  • Bucky has Blowjob Lips

Some reasons Bucky should be “The Top” and Steve should be “The Bottom”:

  • Steve used to be skinny and Bucky was The Big One
  • Bucky has a Beard
  • Bucky is dark and brooding and Steve is sunshine and puppies
  • Bucky has big muscles and Steve has a perky ass
  • Bucky used to beat people up for Steve
  • Steve has Blowjob Lips

WHAT? HOW does any of this? Okay you know what never mind. Aside from how this assigns all kinds of heteronormative, cissexist, binary-enforcing bullshit to gay men, I do understand that this is fantasy. I get that. Fandom is dominated by women, and that is AWESOME because there is finally erotica by women, for women, and it’s available for free. Sweet. I understand that women put up with faaaar worse stereotypes from porn created for men’s enjoyment that features lesbian couples.

But every now and then, I see a huge debate like the one I just saw and I have to scream into the void. Here are a few of the things I’d like to scream:

  1. Sometimes, gay men do have a preference where giving/receiving anal sex is concerned, especially if we’re just out trying to hook up.
  2. Some gay men just really can’t stand anal. It’s kind of an acquired taste.
  3. Also, other forms of sex are far more common, because anal is a lot of trouble. It’s kind of messy, too. :/ Moving on to the heart of the issue…
  4. NO PHYSICAL OR PERSONALITY TRAITS CONTRIBUTE IN ANY WAY TO A MAN’S PREFERENCES ABOUT ANAL.
  5. ALSO, WE CAN ENJOY GIVING BLOWJOBS WITHOUT ENJOYING RECEIVING ANAL SEX AND VICE VERSA.
  6. A man’s hair has nothing to do with whose dick goes where.
  7. Neither does his beard or lack thereof.
  8. Neither does his height. (right, @mostlyhydratrash?)
  9. Nor do his lips.
  10. And neither does anything else expect what he and his partner feel like getting up to.

*GRABS MEGAPHONE* 

WE LITERALLY BASE THE DECISION OF WHO PITCHES AND WHO CATCHES ON WHO POOPED LAST, OKAY??? There. Now you know.

Oh, and side-note to that one person, just in case you see this: the prostate is toward the belly button, not the spine. For the love of Freddy Mercury, please stop making Steve pound Bucky’s sacrum.