Tag: queer headcanons

kkkkai:

i just want a story about steve rogers

not the story your thinking of, the one where he fucks someone or gets fucked by someone or even has his ~delicate sensibilities~ rocked by tony stark

no, i want a story about steve rogers being introduced to the internet

and not the internet you’re thinking of, the porn and the RPF and reddit, not the internet that’s used to “shock” him in interviews

i want steve rogers, clever tactician, to understand that the internet is a place where he can catch up on things without being made fun of and where he can spend time getting to know people and the world in relative anonymity

and in this story, i want steve to unwittingly do something like make an ignorant comment about dysphoria

because i have no doubt that steve is far from ignorant about sexuality and its permutations, but a lot of discourse about gender didn’t get rolling until after he went into the ice, and i don’t think he would have the vocabulary to discuss it regardless of how aware of it he was before the war

and instead of jumping on him, i want some people on the internet to assume (somewhat correctly) that he is a brand new baby to all of this, and they gently drop essays into his askbox – they submit lists of youtube videos and links to webcomics

and steve? he realizes that he knows that feel

he knows what it feels like to not belong in the body you have, and he knows what it feels like to have to adjust to changes after having one body your whole life until that point

and sure, he gets hate. he gets people in his inbox calling him every name in the book, he gets people spitting at his politics as often as he gets people spitting at his ignorance on just about every current social issue, he gets people who ride him about “just googling it” before he asks for something small like a definition or a name

but he also gets the people who identify with him

he shares his stories about bullies, about childhood illnesses, about difficulty hearing and difficulty breathing and losing his mom to something that seems so preventable now

he shares his missteps and his low points because these people? even if they don’t know its him they deserve his vulnerability and his honesty and, if he’s honest with himself, he’s found a community in them

the girl with the flowers on her blog who is studying art because its the only thing she’s ever felt close to

the blog run by the hockey fan who delightedly brings him up to date when he casually mentions he used to follow new york but its been a while

the blog with all of the queer headcanons, run by a lovely nonbinary person that he only really followed because fae were one of the first to talk to him, that occasionally breaks his heart but also pushes him to understand why it makes him uncomfortable – the one that gave natasha sad eyes the one time he mentioned it

the boy-sometimes-not who humored and engaged him in his first discussion of his own experience with what might be dysphoria

the student from the philippines who sympathizes with him about idioms and slang and the struggle to learn them

the blog about women in history, who delights when he submits to them essays and photos and information about the women he worked with and admired

the writer who put out a call for people willing to share their experiences with ptsd, who treated him with respect even when he got upset at their questions

steve finds a community of people on the internet who simultaneously care and don’t care who he is outside of their interactions

give me this story, give me this steve – not just the steve who gets caught up on the 21st century with the help of his team, but the steve with initiative, the steve who is proud and doesn’t want to rely on others, the steve who is clever and resourceful and plans his internet adventures the same way he planned his missions with the commandos – that is to say, with a lot of forethought that’s thrown out the windows as soon as he’s got boots on the “ground”

give me a steve discovering words and concepts that give context and depth and meaning to his experiences in ways he never considered before

give me a steve who doesn’t wait for others to lead him to the things he “should” know

give me a steve with a growing list of things to watch or read or listen to or eat or experience based on input from strangers on the internet

give me a steve who is regularly disappointed with the people he meets in person, but is also consistently surprised by the goodwill and enthusiasm of the people he encounters on the internet

but most of all, give me a steve who is still a 20-something. give me a steve who is still getting used to his body and his health and his life, a steve who is forced to make a new place for himself, but damn anyone who tries to lead that horse to water

give me that steve