Why the Best War Reporter in a Generation Had to Suddenly Stop

breakthecitysky:

As word got around the paper last fall that Chivers was leaving the foreign desk, he was in the newsroom in New York, putting the finishing touches on his major chemical-weapons story (part of his new role with the investigations desk). When the editor he’d been on the phone with from Libya, Rogene Jacquette, spotted him, she walked over to say she had heard the news. Chivers told her about his boy, about the game of cards and the hives and his terrible dread. He said it was as if a message were being sent through his son that it was time to go, in a way that even I could understand.

Jacquette took that in for just a moment and said, “We should all be thankful for your son.” And then she said, “Because he is a blessing.”

When Chris was killed, Tim Hetherington in that same attack, it was Chivers who got them home, who eulogized them in the only way that felt right to me.  

No one covered war like he did, no one wrote better about conflict or captured the humanity that lies on both sides of the equation and while I miss his war reporting, I’m grateful for his son, too.  Because we need him alive.  He doesn’t let you off the hook when he writes.  We need that now more than ever.

Why the Best War Reporter in a Generation Had to Suddenly Stop

Understanding a Shame-Based Personality

lavenderenergy:

There is a difference between blaming and shaming a person. 

  • Blaming is being told you did something wrong. 
  • Shaming is being told that there’s something wrong with you, and you’re worthless, bad, inferior or inadequate. 

Examples of shaming statements include:

  • “You were a mistake; I wish I’d never had you”
  • “You’re useless; you’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “You could never do what he/she does”
  • “You’ve ruined my life; you ruin everything for everyone”

Adults shamed in childhood have the following traits:

  1. They are afraid to share their true thoughts and feelings with others.
  2. They are terrified of intimacy and put up walls in relationships. They also fear commitment as they expect to be rejected.
  3. They are often extremely shy, easily embarrassed, and are terrified of being shamed or humiliated. They tend to suffer from debilitating false guilt.
  4. They struggle with feelings of worthlessness and believe they are inferior to others. They believe that is something they can never change as worthlessness is at the core of who they are.
  5. They often feel ugly and flawed, even when they’re beautiful – and everyone tells them that.
  6. They may be narcissistic and act as if they have it all together; alternatively, they may be completely selfless, almost to the point of being a doormat.
  7. They are often very defensive and find it hard to bear the slightest criticism. They feel as if they are being constantly watched and judged.
  8. They have a pervasive sense of loneliness and always feel like outsiders (even when others genuinely like and love them).
  9. They feel controlled – as if they always have to do want others want and say – and this blocks spontaneity.
  10. They are perfectionists and usually suffer from performance anxiety. This may also cause them to be procrastinators.
  11. They tend to block their feelings through compulsive behaviors like eating disorders, retail therapy or substance-abuse.
  12. They find it hard to establish and enforce healthy boundaries with others. 

onlinecounsellingcollege

Can you give examples of aftercare?

theimperfetc:

Yes, but I’m going to slightly alter this question. My acronym for aftercare is SHOCK.

S: Safe. They need to feel safe. You get any scary implements out of sight, hold them, say comforting words of love and security.

H: Hydrated. They’ll almost always need a water, maybe a Gatorade, something. Always get them hydrated. Always. Trust me. Rarely will they be ready for food right away, but have a plan for that soon.

O: Open. You need to be open with them when you talk. Answer any questions you can, they’ll often ask if they did ok, if you still love them, and don’t deflect any questions, let them get all their feelings out to you and respond as openly as they can.

C: Comfort. Make sure they’re laying or sitting somewhere comfortable, often somewhere other than where the scene took place. Get them a blanket, somewhere to put their feet up…

K: Kiss. The first time they get their senses back, and the very last thing you do before you have to separate for any reason (maybe to go prepare dinner if you’re me), kiss them. And many times in between.

These aren’t necessarily in order. But hit all these points and you’ll be fine.

Depression-Busting Exercise Tips For People Too Depressed To Exercise – The Establishment

rawraceli:

blackraincloud:

unbossed:

star-anise:

Oh hey look, something that ISN’T TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT 😀

… Step 1. Realize that you should exercise. Step 2 ? Step 3. HEALTH!

When you’re depressed, that question mark can be a barely navigable labyrinth of garbage fires fueled by physical and mental exhaustion, self-loathing, defeat, and frustration. The last time I found myself trying to hack through that mess during a particularly dark period, I started to come up with my own list of bare-bones, practical tips to help me face the idea of moving again. Now I’m sharing them, in case they might help someone else in a similar position. I stress the word “might.” If you’re depressed, the last thing you need is another a-hole telling you what you should do. But if you’re looking for somewhere to start, I’ve been there too.

First heading? “You don’t have to exercise.” I love this entire piece. It’s going on facebook, that’s how much I love it. A+

“The perfect body is a breathing one. Anything that serves those ends is worth considering. Everything else is noise.”

Depression-Busting Exercise Tips For People Too Depressed To Exercise – The Establishment

askthehotblondeone:

hollowxgirl:

runrunrun-asfastasyoucan:

lah-disputes:

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you!

Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

————————————————————————————-

Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

Sleep issues; 

 

Uncomfortable with silence; 

Anxiety; 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

Isolation and loneliness; 

 

Self-harm;

Addiction; 

 

Eating disorders; 

 

Dealing with self-hatred;  

 

Suicidal; 

 

Schizophrenia;

OCD;

Borderline personality disorder; 

Abuse; 

 

Bullying;

 

Loss and grief; 

(Other loss and grief)

 

Getting help; 

Things you need to remember; 

  • – Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.
  • -Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 
  • – This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 
  • -You are not alone. 
  • -You are enough. 
  • -You are important. 
  • -You are worth it. 
  • -You are strong. 
  • -You are not a failure, 
  • -Good people exist. 
  • -Reaching out shows strength. 
  • -Breathe. 
  • -Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 
  • -Give yourself credit. 
  • -Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 
  • -Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 
  • -Focus on the things you can change. 
  • -Let go of toxic people. 
  • -You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 
  • -Try not to beat yourself up. 
  • -Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 
  • -You are not a bother.
  • -Your existence is more than your appearance. 
  • -You are smart. 
  • -You are loved. 
  • -You are wanted. 
  • -You are needed. 
  • -Better days are coming. 
  • -Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 
  • -You have more potential than you think. 
  • – Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.


Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x

 

God bless the person who made this

I needed this right now. I needed this and it’s here. Thank you.

Bless my lil bird for sending me this. I really need this right now. @ravendorpuff

Calming masterpost:

halorvic:

shelbys-advice-blog:

crisis/urgent support lines and sites

relaxation/anxiety relief

the quiet place project

music and sounds

comfort food

advice and tips

videos and movies

distractions etc

extras

Calming songs, playlists and instrumentals:

Calming/distracting Websites

Crafts and activities, easy and fun DYI projects

What to do when:

Meditation and breathing

Simple things

Make Something!

Other Nice Things

Calming/Relaxing Music:

  • Soft Piano: x, x, x, x, x
  • The Sound of Waves: x
  • The Sound of a Storm + Waves: x

yesdarlingido:

coffee-khaleesi:

When I was training to be a battered women’s advocate, my supervisor said something that really blew my mind:

“You can always assume one thing about your clients; and that is that they are doing their best. Always assume everyone is doing their best. And if they’re having a day where their best just isn’t that great, or their best doesn’t look like your best, you have to be okay with that.”

Any now whenever anyone in my life, either a friend or a client, frustrates me, disappoints me, or pisses me off, I just tell myself They are doing their best. Their best isn’t that great today, but I have days where my best isn’t that great either. 

this. everytime. this. 

Forget Self-Esteem—Try Self-Compassion Instead

cyborgcap:

Khazan: So what is self-compassion? How is it better?
Neff: It means treating yourself with the same kind of kindness, care, compassion, as you would treat those you care about—your good friends, your loved ones.One component is self-kindness, which is in a way the most obvious. But it also entails a recognition of common humanity—in other words, the understanding that all people are imperfect, and all people have imperfect lives. Sometimes, when we fail, we react as if something has gone wrong—that this shouldn’t be happening. “I shouldn’t have failed, I shouldn’t have had this issue come up in my life.” And this sense that “this shouldn’t be happening,” as if everyone else in the world were living perfectly happy, unproblematic lives. That type of thinking really causes a lot of additional suffering, because people feel isolated and separated from the rest of humanity.

So, when we have self-compassion, when we fail, it’s not “poor me,” it’s “well, everyone fails.” Everyone struggles. This is what it means to be human. And that really radically alters how we relate to failure and difficulty. When we say, “Oh, this is normal, this is part of what it means to human,” that opens the door to the grow from the experience. If we feel like it’s abnormal, this shouldn’t be happening, then we start blaming ourselves.”

Forget Self-Esteem—Try Self-Compassion Instead